Frequently Asked Questions
Q. Who Are Your Clients?
I welcome couples and individuals of all genders and orientations.
Q. How Do I Prepare For My Session?
For Sex & Intimacy Coaching sessions: The single most important thing you can do is to give some thought to your goals and intentions for our session and be ready to share. Read and answer the questionnaire I send you. Sign the legal disclaimer I will email. Imagine what might be possible for you and your life. For your session, dress comfortably. We tend to sit on the floor and/or move around a lot so if you can wear loose clothes, you’ll feel better.
Q. What’s your cancellation policy?
24 hours advance notice required to change or cancel a session. No shows will be charged the full session rate.
Q. You Mention the Words ‘Sacred’ and ‘Spiritual’ – Do I Have to Be Religious To Do This Work?
No, of course not! But I believe that all of life is sacred, including the body and sexuality. My role with you is sacred, meaning that I take it seriously and practice it with loving consciousness and compassion. The word spirit shares the same root as inspiration. Sexual energy IS spiritual energy–it is life force, chi, prana, holy spirit, the potential for creation. This doesn’t have to be esoteric or mysterious, what we hold as sacred IS sacred, simple.
Q. Do You Offer Tantra? Are You A Tantrika?
A. Tantra is a wildly popular and often misunderstood buzzword, referring to a wide range of practices and activities. I’ve been on a tantric path and in the tantra community for many years now. A classical Eastern tantrika I am not. An engaged practitioner experienced in the neo-tantra movement as practiced in the West, I am.
Q. What’s a yoni? What’s a lingham? Why do you use these words?
Yoni is a sanskrit word used to refer to the sacred space of the feminine–including, but not limited to–the female genitals. Similarly, lingham (or vajra) refers to the sacred element of the masculine aspect, again including but not limited to the penis. I often use these words for two reasons–one for their expansive nature, and two for their lack of association with vulgarity or medicalization, as is often the case with the words penis and vagina. (Vagina, by the way, refers to the inner canal of the female genitals only, although it is often incorrectly used. The correct name for the most visible part of female genitalia, the lips and clitoral hood, is the vulva. Some folks find it liberating to use the words pussy and cock, as it can release shame around the use of euphemisms. When this is the case, I celebrate it.
Q. And What Is Tantra, Anyway?!
A. That’s a great question with seemingly infinite answers! At its most basic, Tantra is an ancient and expansive spiritual philosophy with roots in Hinduism, Buddhism, and Taoism. It is an enlightenment path marked by practical, embodied practice. The literal translation of the sanskrit word is “to weave.” In tantra, all of life is spiritual practice–every moment an opportunity to engage one’s full divine presence, energetically saying yes to every experience–from grief to bliss to rage to joy.
One aspect of the Tantric path is full awareness and acceptance of all things–including those aspects of ourselves we often don’t like to look at (like sexuality, anger, and jealousy, to name a few). By moving deeply into our understanding of these parts of ourselves, we can be freed of their oppressive rule in our lives. When we cultivate the quality of “witness” of ourselves and our behaviors, we gain choice and freedom in how we respond to life’s provocations.
Tantra is also known as the union of opposites–yin and yang, masculine and feminine, heaven and earth, divine and profane, etc. Human consciousness perceives these opposites as polarized dualities, preventing us from experiencing our true nature in unity with all that is. As we move from duality and separation to totality and connection, immense bliss and joy emerges!
Q. What Does ‘Sex-Positive’ Mean?
A. Dr. Carol Queen answers this question well: “Sex-positive, a term that’s coming into cultural awareness, isn’t a dippy love-child celebration of orgone – it’s a simple yet radical affirmation that we each grow our own passions on a different medium, that instead of having two or three or even half a dozen sexual orientations, we should be thinking in terms of millions. ‘Sex-positive’ respects each of our unique sexual profiles, even as we acknowledge that some of us have been damaged by a culture that tries to eradicate sexual difference and possibility.”
Excerpt from “Real Live Nude Girl: Chronicles of Sex Positive Culture” © 1997 Cleis Press
“In a loving encounter, as between eros and psyche, lies the path to the divine being.”